So, it is cancer.....

I am not an uneducated person, some would even say I am quite intelligent.  So why, when I was told I had cancer did it take so long to truly sink in. I am no stranger to the information I was hearing, or seeing people receive it for that matter, but this was me.  They were talking to me.  The scans I was looking at were of me.  Now maybe it was because the information came to me in bits and pieces and then hell, turned out to be misinformation and scarier information. "You have a cancer we can cure.....to Ooops.....you actually have something really rare and not only are we unsure how to treat you, you will probably die."

 As a matter of fact I still have days when I am trying to decide how I am going to tackle this journey.  I am told I can't beat this cancer, this means nothing to me, I will beat its ass if that is what I choose to do, or will I learn to let it live with me? A symbiotic relationship if you will.  I can be good with long term relationships.  I can share, as long as it doesn't ask too much of my body and of the people I love.   I could always name it and treat it like my counterpart, OR turn it into my arch enemy and kick its freakin life- stealing ass.  It is far too soon to know what my approach is going to be.  I have a little time to decide.....while they take their good ole time trying to decide how they are going to treat me.

Becoming a patient in the health care system is a nightmare at best for me.  I know, it is what we have in place and with any luck will save my life, but the gaps, the dead weight, the people that find themselves there who have no business being there.....well that is where the humor will come in because having come from a health care environment I tend to notice the things that just shouldn't be and I will be happy to point them out to you for your reading pleasures.

This is my first post of many as I document my journey.  I can't promise it will be pretty.  At times I am sure it will get foul, and I wont apologize for that because I know you will understand.  I promise to tell you things like I see them with honesty and even sometimes humor.  I will share with you my fear but through this you will also feel my strength.